June 29, 2011

Camp Get Me The Heck Outta Here

While driving my kiddos around town to various activities and camps, I wondered allowed, "Wouldn't it be great if there were a summer camp for moms?" I don't mean a girls weekend. I wanted to know if there were any cool summer camps for ME. After a few clicks and Google searches, I discovered many options from Yoga Camp to Healthy Living Camp to Rock Star Camp to Baseball Fantasy Camp to Cowboy Camp to Space Camp.

Off I went to my gal pals, my peeps, my fellow moms who need to get the heck away. The consensus was the same: we would all love to vacate for two weeks, one week or one day to just be whomever we want away from everyone at home. While Healthy Living Camp is a great option, we decided to dream up our own ultimate camp ideas. 

After lots of laughs (and a few margaritas) with my gal pals, we came up with the following ridiculous and dreamy suggestions for Mom Summer Camp. Please note all camps are of the Disney-esque/Hollywood variety: they are NOT based in reality.  Just like kids don't break out into song and dance in High School and friends with benefits don't ever turn into long-term relationships, these camps are figments of our bizarro imaginations. Enjoy.

Camp with the Stars:  Spend the weekend with your favorite celebrity. Go for dinner, drinks, scuba, heck - drinks and scuba-whatever you want! Chat em up all day and night. The best part? They think you're fantastic, funny and they invite you to their house in the Hampton's for Labor Day! (I'm scheduled to hang at the pool bar at the Ritz in Kapalua with Chris Martin. Just sayin'.)

Camp Funhouse:  Funhouse mirrors abound. Wherever you're at, be it the spa or practicing yoga, you look thinner, leaner and your wrinkles magically disappear under the lights and mirrors. Every day is a good hair day at Camp Funhouse! Enjoy special packages like the "What Could Be Suite." Walk in and see how you would look with red hair, green eyes, longer legs, smaller thighs, etc.

Gals and Grapes: Camp at your favorite vineyard. Learning activities are optional, but hangovers are not. Wine taste and sample artisan cheese at your heart's content and wake up fresh as a daisy. Invigorated and raring to go, you can do it all over again the next day! Think of all the different wines you can bring back home.

Camp Perfection: This camp has it all. Walk on site and you are instantly at your leanest and fittest without dieting or exercise. There is a new and perfectly fitted outfit in your closet everyday for any and all situations. When attending Camp Perfection, guests are taught how to never need to color their hair or tweeze an eyebrow ever again! Here, you are injected with the Camp's secret serum which removes all crabbiness and tiredness from your bones! And, for an extra fee, you gain admittance to the "What Would You Tell Your 25 year old Self" Hall of Wonder. Go in and give yourself advice about work, men, hair styles and fashion trends - this is your chance to impart the glorious wisdom of hindsight.

The cost of all camps includes pre-camp services such as packing for you, coordinating your children's carpools and activities while you are away and preparing meals for your family until you return.