40 days week two - fear is a jealous fellow

(40 days is a series of posts that began on November 4th. If you are interested in reading them in order, start there, otherwise read on and check out all my other musings...)

I'm two weeks into my journey from fear to faith and let me tell you the highs and lows continue to astound and frustrate me. I had a few challenging days when I felt anxiety to the point of a panic attack and I really wanted to feel like a failure. It's not easy to break years and years of self deprecation - and when we fail, at least, when I fail, discouragement really gets the best of me. At the other end of the spectrum, I've had days so full of faith and security felt so deep in my bones, I felt like I could write a novel in one sitting. Pride bursting through me. Contentment, fulfillment, joy simply flowing.

By failure I mean allowing some trigger behaviors, people, situations get the best of me. By failure I mean allowing some anxious thoughts to spin out of control to the point of almost panic.

40 days week one...my oh my

(40 days is a series of posts that began on November 4th. If you are interested in reading them in order, start there, otherwise read on and check out all my other musings...)

It's been an interesting week. Seven plus days into my 40 day journey and I'm kind of impressed with my dedication to the process of this journey I'm calling "From fear to faith." My day began on days one through three like this:

• Snooze the alarm set for 5:10 and wake groggily at 5:30
• Get out of bed with my journal, head downstairs, carefully not to trip on the dog
• Set up in my favorite spot on the sofa, sit straight and begin reading from a book called "The Abundance Plan."
• Meditate, write down my thoughts.
• Work on a focus wheel (more on this later.)
• Shoo my husband when he comes to say good morning.
• Meditate more
• Feel really good

Starting this out early in the morning really helped clear my head and start my day from a place of gratitude for my incredibly imperfect life. I felt lighter and noticed more gentle thoughts passing through my littered mind. Gentle. How I love the word gentle.