It's been an interesting week. Seven plus days into my 40 day journey and I'm kind of impressed with my dedication to the process of this journey I'm calling "From fear to faith." My day began on days one through three like this:
- Snooze the alarm set for 5:10 and wake groggily at 5:30
- Get out of bed with my journal, head downstairs, carefully not to trip on the dog
- Set up in my favorite spot on the sofa, sit straight and begin reading from a book called "The Abundance Plan."
- Meditate, write down my thoughts.
- Work on a focus wheel (more on this later.)
- Shoo my husband when he comes to say good morning.
- Meditate more
- Feel really good
Starting this out early in the morning really helped clear my head and start my day from a place of gratitude for my incredibly imperfect life. I felt lighter and noticed more gentle thoughts passing through my littered mind. Gentle. How I love the word gentle.
I vowed to begin my days with this active start instead of starting my days in neutral. Neutral is boring, nothing happens in neutral. Nothing comes out of neutral. You just sit, idle. Neutral no more, I wake with thoughts of gentleness, peace and gratitude.
By day four I was really tired and stayed in bed, snoozing until the last possible minute. I freaked out and got anxious about breaking my routine. Shit!! Now what?! Four days in and I'm screwing up already??? I was grumpy, the coffee tasted nasty and I literally needed to send my grumpy butt upstairs for a time out to calm my thoughts. I forgave myself and decided on a set time after the kids headed to school to read and meditate. I decided to now wake up when I care to and mentally voice three things I'm grateful for and make a statement for the day. One of my favorites is "My true nature is one of happiness."
I find that doing these exercises, no matter what time of day, is truly helping to shift my consciousness from fear to faith. Week one manifested a reduced bill for a dental procedure for my son and for me - no charge when I had three fillings - yes three - replaced. What? Why? Coincidence? I think not. I'm slowly shifting my consciousness from fear to faith. From lack to abundance and what happened? Abundance fell into my lap.
Author Marianne Williamson says "Dwell in that which is infinite." I am working on this. It's easier and habitual for me to dwell in worry or dwell on a problem. I'm noticing lately, when a problem or a negative thought pops into my head I don't dwell as long as I'm accustomed to (which is a long ass time.) I usually hang on to that fear, that issue, that worry - like that Wellenda guy on the tightrope holds onto his balance bar - I hang onto my fear with a vice like grip - but not lately. I recognize the fear, and let the thought go. That's been really, really cool. And freeing!
So there have been faithful days and days when I've had to fake it till I make it. I'm ok with faking it because I know I will make it. I have faith. More next week about my focus wheel, sleep patterns and the thought of "Being The Light."