Yes, I know there is a time in life for everything. This is my time as a mom who needs to be around for her kids. I love it. I do. And it's part of the package - the kids are my priority, and I take that seriously. I look forward to lazy pajama days and long days in the backyard. I love watching my son play baseball - all 16 games and three tournaments of it! I love to sneak peaks at them while they're running around the neighborhood in search of water gun compatriots. And I love trips to DQ at 9:00 on a hot summer night.
And yet. I'll miss my quiet morning time with my coffee. And I'll miss exercising freely, without the worry of rushing home for pick ups or drop offs or sitter time limits. I'll miss the quiet of the afternoon before the dinner rush. And I'll miss being exempt from refereeing during the daytime hours. I'll miss my secret days I keep just for me; the one's when I do something scandalous like see a movie by myself or sneak to the city just to meander through a bookstore. Those I'll miss most, because on those days, those rare days just for me? I get lost in being just 'me' again. Me, not mom, not wife, just me. Those days keep me grounded, keep me fresh and keep me whole. I don't have nearly enough of those days.
And again, back on the other hand (good thing moms have so many hands) I revel in the question mark that is the summer. I indulge in the open afternoons and long evenings on our deck that sometimes morph into hilarity. I realize that summer is the best time for memory making. After a few weeks, all the kinks are out of being together again and the summer takes on the feeling of a gorgeous free fall into possibility. Most importantly, I keep reminding myself these days are fleeting. Sooner than I can fathom, my kids will prefer solitude and their friends over me.
So, I'll do my best to linger in the moments that create memories while trying not to cringe about my lack of aloneness. Maybe a babysitter is in order to sneak away from the moments; if only for a little while.
And yet. I'll miss my quiet morning time with my coffee. And I'll miss exercising freely, without the worry of rushing home for pick ups or drop offs or sitter time limits. I'll miss the quiet of the afternoon before the dinner rush. And I'll miss being exempt from refereeing during the daytime hours. I'll miss my secret days I keep just for me; the one's when I do something scandalous like see a movie by myself or sneak to the city just to meander through a bookstore. Those I'll miss most, because on those days, those rare days just for me? I get lost in being just 'me' again. Me, not mom, not wife, just me. Those days keep me grounded, keep me fresh and keep me whole. I don't have nearly enough of those days.
And again, back on the other hand (good thing moms have so many hands) I revel in the question mark that is the summer. I indulge in the open afternoons and long evenings on our deck that sometimes morph into hilarity. I realize that summer is the best time for memory making. After a few weeks, all the kinks are out of being together again and the summer takes on the feeling of a gorgeous free fall into possibility. Most importantly, I keep reminding myself these days are fleeting. Sooner than I can fathom, my kids will prefer solitude and their friends over me.
So, I'll do my best to linger in the moments that create memories while trying not to cringe about my lack of aloneness. Maybe a babysitter is in order to sneak away from the moments; if only for a little while.
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