embrace the crazy fan girl

As part of my quest for more balance and presence, I am coming out of a closet. My name is Nina and I'm a crazy fan girl disguised as a suburban mom attending parent teacher conferences, cross country meets and little league baseball games.

A sometimes CFG and myself at the Journey concert.

My addiction began like many of the millions of fan girls peeking out behind their venti lattes and premium denim. I was nine when I sang my heart out to 'Hey Deenie," a la Sean Cassidy. I wrote him a letter professing my unwavering love and devotion. At 12, I ripped out my first of many pages from  TigerBeat magazine. A picture of Steve Perry, front man of Journey sporting long hair and his large nose captivated me like no other and he gazed at me from the walls of my tiny bedroom singing to me about open arms...

It continued on and on with Michael Jackson, Prince,  Jordan Catalano (fictional but not to me,) Eddie Vedder and Justin Timberlake. Young girls are fickle, you know. Somewhere along the line, as age crept in and I traded "wisdom for lines around my eyes," I had to snuff out my open musings of the object(s) of my affection.  It didn't suit my blossoming professional image, not to mention my many (ha!) suitors, to drool over images of Eddie Vedder's long hair, flannel shirts and stage thrashing. This was before the days of smart phones and internet - everything was in print and I ran the risk of being discovered at Walgreens buying the latest issue of Rolling Stone, People or Us Weekly for fear of looking like the crazy star struck girl that I was (am.)

Fast forward a few decades and an i phone, and I have all my celebrity crushes at the swipe of my fingertips! I still love Justin and gladly added Adam, Robert and my darling Mikel Jollett.  And as a seasoned fan girl, I recently decided to accept my inner creeper. It is quite wonderful to scroll down the screen, story after story about what role Justin is taking next or what town my favorite band is playing.  And can we all shout out to Instagram for allowing us up close and personal pics of our favorite crushes? Yes, I do love a pic of my celebrity love shaving - what can I say? Crazy. Fan. Girl. (CFG) REPRESENT!

Now don't roll your eyes at me. No hating allowed ladies and gentlemen. You may sit there from your ivory "I don't do that kind of thing" tower, but admit it. You do. Whether you are a Real Housewives addict, a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue obsessor or just cruise online skimming through what you claim is your "guilty pleasure," it. Is. The. Same. Thing. You are interested in something outside of real life that if your peers, your kids, gasp! your co-workers knew about you would turn a shade of red and feel the need to defend yourself.  Step forward! Embrace the silly and the carefree! REPRESENT! Who says that? Me, CFG.

My CFG tendencies served me so well a few weeks ago while attending a show at The Vic. After an exceptionally loud and raucous performance, lead singer of the Airborne Toxic Event, Mikel Jollett, swoon... lept off stage to sign autographs and shake hands. And give hugs. I looked on longingly and happily, overjoyed for all the fans getting autographs and his sweat all over them. Can you imagine? His sweat? And then my husband, my darling, wonderful, all knowing husband said 'What are you waiting for? GO!"

Off I ran and muddled and shimmied my way through the crowd,  all the way to Mikel who graciously grabbed my phone, took two selfies of us together, and hugged me. HUGGED ME. With his deliciously sweaty leather vest and inked arms, he hugged me. I smiled like the Tiger Beat reading teenie bopper I will always be at heart and summoned up the intelligence to say a heartfelt thank you and a cool girl version of "nice show man."  I wordlessly swaggered back to my husband and friend, arms and iphone raised like a flag after battle. I jumped in hub's arms and raved like a lunatic showing him pictures and recanting my "nice show man" comment proud as a peacock.

My boyfriend, Mikel, and me at The Vic

It is much easier to embrace your inner fan girl or guy when you are surrounded by others in a fan like environment. I know some of you boys out there were posting pictures all over social media of golfers. Golfers. GOLFERS! You remember that BMW classic just a month ago, yes?  You followed them around the links and asked for autographs. Just because the clapping at golf events is quieter than at a Jay Z concert doesn't mean the creeping and picture taking is any less CFG. Gotchya! No judging here, just saying...

I highly recommend embracing your CFG tendencies. It's liberating. And so fun. You will be completely surprised at how many of us are out here lurking. Let's celebrate our random fandom together, out in the open! I'll be watching for you.